Ed.: 072217 – Words: 616 – Audio: 07:29

Sooo…. I was watching yet another TV special presentation about us baby boomers reflecting on the past and patting ourselves on the back that the only music worth a damn is that which we spewed out in the 60’s & 70’s.. and there was a segment on The Stones (The Rolling Stones, not kidney).  Inevitably the boys sang “Satisfaction”.

"Satisfaction" on the radio during a lull in the Apocalypse Now action.

“Satisfaction” on the ‘transistor’ radio during a lull in the Apocalypse Now action.

Now historically my mind will shift into a few fading memories of the AM car radio and driving (with my newly acquired driver’s license) around my high school in my parent’s convertible with my buddies, with the top down in December in Chicago (we thought it was cool… literally; hehehe).  Sometimes I think of Vietnam (no, I was never there but it was a scene in “Apocalypse Now”).

As I grew older I’d find myself wince a bit at the flagrant double negative in the title and the lyrics before I’d tap along with the beat.  I still recall using this song with my kids as they grew up in the 80’s as an example of how not to talk (unless, of course, you’re being creative and making lots of money).

Here I am, 50 years later, singing along (greatly out of tune) the first line… “I can’t get no.. duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh duhhhh… damn erect-shun”  Huh?  How… or more to the point, why… did my mind toss that in there??  Freudian slip perhaps?  What’s Freud got to do with it, got to do with it? (apologies to Tina Turner)

I then started a mental theme of what “I can’t get no” anymore since the song came out in 1965.  Well, I can’t get no more sugar and carbs thanks to the Type II; I can’t get out of a chair ‘no more’ without talking a half dozen arthritic wobbles before my gait resumes to something akin to a newborn gazelle.  I can’t get no more good blood pressure readings without drugs; I can’t get no job that pays what I used to make when I was younger in my career.

But, let’s not dwell only on what I can’t get no more. can get senior discounts; I can get my Social Security bennies.  I can get those other stones (kidney, not Rolling); I can even get cancer (I can even get rid of cancer… had to balance that out).  And, yes, because I can get free medical attention from the Veterans Administration I can also get free government Viagra (That’s right, folks! As gross and incomprehensible as it sounds, YOUR tax dollars are paying for some old fart to carry out the sexual echos of bygone days because nature has left some residual instinct in my brain to still go through the motions… as if it still made a difference in the continuation of our species.)

I wonder if they give out some kind of military surplus Viagra to vets.

I wonder if they give out some kind of military surplus Viagra to vets in camo pattern rather than that baby blue girly-man color.


Hmm… I think have we’ve gone full circle here.  I can’t get no…….. damn song out of my head.

Jeez! These guys are older than me! "I can get no younger..." might be a good followup song.

Jeez! These guys are older than me! “I can’t get no younger…” might be a good followup song.